I felt tired and low on sleep: the kind of tired I used to feel when I ran Reiki retreats on Bowen Island. I didn't sleep much on those trips, because I was constantly running energy, supporting the field, and transforming myself. I wondered whether the reason I could go so much deeper on this trip than on my Camino, was because I didn't have the intention of, "I will be healthier and better rested at the end of this trip than at the beginning," as I did on the Camino. Maybe running this much energy would have kept me up late and up early, like a Reiki retreat.
When I ventured out for a shower, Nihan was sitting in the communal kitchen, drinking tea and playing with the little girl like they were old friends. What a turnaround with that little girl, since our first day here!
We loaded up our oatmeal with the berries we picked the day before. I loved it!
Our host came in, carrying a carved wooden sign that reads "cabin." She asked us, "If you saw this hanging on the cabin, would you know it was the place to go?" We affirmed, and she proceeded to go hang it up on the cabin.
Nihan and the little girl played and giggled all through breakfast, to the pleasure of her parents. I could see that Nihan was integrating her own childhood through this play. Her hair and the little girl's was almost identical. It wasn't lost on Nihan.
Nihan constantly switched between what I saw as the habits she was raised in and the type of "parenting" she wished she had had. She also alternated between wanting to control, and letting the child self-determine. She was really working through her transition from "old story" to "new story" on this subject.
At one point, the girl announced, "I'm One, Two, Three!" counting them off on her fingers. Nihan answered, "I'm One, Two, Three, too!" flashing all ten fingers with each number.
While they played, I made us sandwiches for lunch, and washed up from breakfast. The girl's mother watched me making the sandwiches, noticed that I was searching something to moisten them up, and offered up some ranch dressing for them. I know the saying is, "The Camino provides," I never really felt that on the Camino. Standing there eating our freshly picked blackberries, and making sandwiches with (1) groceries out host graciously offered to buy for us, with (2) kale from our previous host's garden, and (3) this stranger's ranch dressing, I felt like I really was being provided for, here in the Cowichan.
Today's journey was about 20km along the Cowichan Valley Trail back to Duncan, and then the many-legged public transportation route home to Vancouver. We would start by heading up Mayo Rd a few kilometres, then rejoining the railgrade.
But first, we wanted to located the swimming hole that the little girl spoke of. It was almost directly across Riverbottom Rd from Cobb House. There was a short gravel access road that led to the river.
This portion of the river was much deeper and colder than where we tubed the day before. It took us a while to get in, and not just because of the cold.
Looking down into the murky green depths of the river, the rock of the shore plunged nearly straight down from the sides. I could barely make out the smooth bottom. Yet I was about to jump in. I thought, what a great metaphor for my life right now: jumping into the unknown!
I sat on the edge, saying, "I can do this! I can do this!" Then I pushed off and swam across to the other side. Nihan took a while longer to get in, but eventually we were both swimming around and feeling quite comfortable. Funny how that happens. ;) Another metaphor. A turkey vulture circled overhead, and I remembered its message from the day before: digest the old "rotten" stuff and convert it to pure fuel. Overcoming obstacles to soar like an eagle.
After our swim, we hit the road. We stopped to take in the view at the forestry bridge at the foot of Mayo Rd. There was another swimming hole there that looked much shallower. I had hoped there might be washrooms, but I was out of luck.
I tried to walk anyway, but could not "hold it" any longer. We ended up going down an overgrown "closed road" to pee, and surprised a turkey vulture eating his lunch just off the road. He flew away through the trees, giving us a real close up view. Back on the junction with Mayo Rd: a turkey vulture feather. :D
Ok, I had not planned on sharing this part, but the coincidence was just too much for me. When I looked up turkey vulture earlier, I had also read that turkey vultures (all vultures, really) urinate down their legs, to sterilize them after feeding on carrion. I had been strangely having trouble with overly urgent urination this whole trip, with some very near-misses, if you know what I mean. >.< And now, the turkey vulture was literally catching me with my pants down! This messenger REALLY wanted me to listen. Lol.
For your interest, here are 20 fun facts about vultures. See if you can identify which ones apply to me! ;)
The walk along Mayo Rd felt slower, harder, and longer than our previous walks. Maybe it was because we had our packs on and it was hotter out than the day before. I suspected it was because it was our last day and were subconsciously trying to drag it out. I knew that the morning's play probably also put Nihan into an emotional process about her childhood, parenting, and family.
We lunched at Mayo Lake, which had a lovely little picnic area, and a dock with benches on it.
By the time we hit the Cowichan Valley Trail, my shirt was dry again.
A message came through from Colin that he would pick us up from the ferry. We wholeheartedly accepted. Just like on the Camino, the ending was not what I expected, and it was easier than planned.
Nihan checked her email, and saw the following daily message from Neale Donald Walsch:
"On this day of your life, Dear Friend,
I believe God wants you to know that you are innocent. You are blameless. You are without foible or fault of any kind. I know you do not believe this about yourself, but do you believe this of the three-year-old beautiful child? And what makes you think that you are anything less in the eyes of God?"
We walked in silence for a stretch, her out ahead of me. Then she stopped. The road was full of tiny brown frogs. There were probably a hundred of them.
My mind went immediately to the story of the exiled youth, told on the totem in Duncan. I mentioned it, and Nihan burst into tears. "Everything just got real for me, that I'm heading home and I'll have to actually make all these changes I've been talking about. I had just asked myself, what part of me is not ok with this? And the frogs appeared." The message was clear to me, and she agreed.
I sympathized with her struggle to bring her intentions to reality. I chuckled, "On a much smaller scale, it's like me with the river this morning: I knew in my heart I was going in, but to actually GET in was another story!"
It struck me how similar this was to the end of the Camino with Cathleen. How interesting and amazing that I was there to witness and perhaps in a fashion steward these women's processes on our trips. They were both great mirrors for my own process, allowing me to compare and contrast our issues, viewpoints, solutions, and actions.
I also noted how I was not processing in a dramatic way, as Nihan was. In fact, I felt really relaxed, like I was swimming through the sunshine, and not thinking about too much. I laughed to myself, remembering how my intention for this trip was completed on the ferry getting here. Maybe I should have set a more challenging intention, I mused. Then I remembered that I was successfully working on my biggest life intention: to live in a relaxed, confident, and happy state. I felt happy about my progress on that during this trip, and proud at how I was currently cultivating that state of being. I was looking forward to implementing my new choices and living my new reality.
The railgrade that day was more monotonous than previous days. It looked the same throughout: a straight and flat gravel path through trees. We suddenly understood the value of the footpath.
We passed one swamp. We were excited to pass the Sikh Temple, because it was something different. It basically just looked like a house. I remembered seeing on the map how all the streets around that area had Sikh names. I presumed they were named after early Sikh families who settled here, to farm or work in logging. These early Sikhs were often overlooked in BC's colonial history.
Across from the Sikh temple, a house was being built. I pointed out the Tyvek wrapping on it, and noted how I had pointed out a similar structure to Colin after I returned home from the Camino. He said, "Oh, that's a great use for Tyvek: to protect houses!" I laughed, "That's the original and primary use of Tyvek."
We only saw a few bicyclists, and no hikers. Most of the day, like the day before, we were the only ones on the trail.
Nihan walked about 50m ahead of me most of the day. At one point, we saw what looked like the mama frog to all those earlier baby frogs, placidly eating ants in the middle of the trail.
At one point I caught up, and we walked together for a stretch. A small snake with a bright stripe slithered away from us. Nihan said she had seen a couple, but this was my first. I figured because she was walking ahead, she probably scared them off before I got there.
Stellar Jays flitted in and out of our path. Then Nihan found a Stellar Jay feather! She said she had just asked for something to take home from this trip, so she could have the integration of this trip, and that's when she found the feather. She looked up Stellar Jay online. It said: "I am fortitude. rebirth, and life after death. No, everything is not okay and you have died, but I will make you pick up your bones and show you how to build a new life." (Source)
She sighed, "I love going on trips with you! Everything is so divine!"
Then we laughed at "No, everything is not OK," because I had recently sent her the following comic, which she totally identified with.
http://m.imgur.com/gallery/31szy
I loved the comment "Instead, reality: http://i.imgur.com/gW05745.gif"
The railgrade followed parallel to the busy highway for about 1.5km. we squinted at the traffic noise, and Nihan commented, "Maybe it's trying to get us used to returning to the city."
Then the trail pulled away from the highway, and a few kilometres later, we passed a Chinese cemetery.
Most of the gravestones were worn flat from weather and age. Most of birthdates on the gravestones I could read were 1890. They must have been the generation who came to Canada to work on the railroad. I knew that many of the Chinese railroad workers did not get formal cemeteries, but were simply buried alongside the railroad where they died.
Some of the headstones in this cemetery had obviously been replaced by new ones, probably indicating that the person's descendants still lived in this area. Fresh flowers indicated that some graves had been visited recently. I was surprised to see one dated 1890-1990.
We sat on our Tyvek mats in the shade and reapplied our sunscreen, eating the wild apples we had picked along the trail. Now if only the Cowichan would provide a fresh water source, we'd be set. ;)
The sun was hot and much of the trail was open to the sky. While I loved the feel of the sun on my skin, we worried about dehydration. Fortunately, we did have some water left, and it was only 7km to Duncan.
Not too long after the cemetery, we were relieved to find ourselves under light tree cover.
We passed a very welcome Parks Board porta potty at the intersection of Sahtlam Rd and Cowichan Lake Rd.
Then Nihan fell back and I pulled ahead. A crow was sitting in the middle of the trail. It watched me approach, then flew directly down the trail. It perched on a tree, and waited for me. When I got close enough to take a photo, it took off again. As I turned the corner, it was sitting in the tree above Holmes Creek Bridge 2. Again it, flew a short distance away as I approached. Almost as if it were leading me onward. We sat on the bridge and ate our second sandwiches. The crow cawed loudly from the trees.
A few kilometres later, an overpass with "Jay, I love you!" spray painted on it caught my attention. Nihan said, "Yes, thank you Stellar Jay!" Something twigged that we needed to be on top of the overpass. A quick check on HERE maps confirmed it, and we thanked Jay once again.
The last stretch was 2.5km along the main road in Duncan (Cowichan Lake Rd, which became Government St). Fortunately there were sidewalks, because there was a lot of traffic. Even more fortunately, the sidewalks were lined with blackberry bushes, which made the walk in the noisy city much more enjoyable. ;)
We stopped at the 7-11, and I joked "How can you tell that the gas station is in Duncan? There's a totem pole in front of it!" This one was of a fisherman.
On our trip, I had discovered that Nihan had never eaten beef jerky, so I bought two different types to do a taste test. "I like this!" She pronounced about the first kind. "This one isn't as good," she decided about the second one. But by the time I turned my head, she had downed the whole stick. Lol.
In downtown Duncan, Nihan visited the wild woman totem said a thank you. I tried to find the dress I liked when we first arrived four days ago. I couldn't find it. I suspect it was in the store that was closed up with shutters. Maybe that was no longer the appropriate "habit" for me now? ;) Nihan wanted to buy ice cream, but the two ice cream stores we found were also closed.
Tired after our long walk, we sat on the perfect lawn of the museum and waited for the Island Link bus. And waited. And waited. 5 minutes late. 10 minutes late. 15 minutes late... we started to worry. If the bus took an hour to get to the ferry, and the ferry was scheduled to leave in 70 minutes, we were not going to make it.
This owl totem echoed my feelings...
Furthermore, we couldn't see another option for getting to the ferry. The Greyhound bus station was closed, and the Island Link Bus only stopped in Duncan if someone reserved a fare in advance. We were the only ones at the stop. Nihan started doing clearings. Just then, the bus rounded the corner.
I asked the driver whether we could still make the ferry, and he assured us we would. The ride was fast and furious, as the bus driver sped through traffic. We were so tired, we dozed in our seats. There was only one other passenger, whose destination was also the ferry, so we fortunately made no stops, and got to the ferry in time. We bought our tickets and walked right on to the ferry. There really was no time to spare! I messaged Colin that we would be on the 7:30pm ferry after all.
Nihan and I laughed in relief, then again at how closely our experience trying to get home matched my Camino experience. The last minute panic over missing the scheduled connection, followed by the two last legs being condensed into a single, faster, more convenient ride.
We were on a "new" ferry, and got a seat next to the window in the fancy forward passenger lounge.
We ate our sushi (me) and salmon quinoa (her), while gazing out at the ocean and mountains. We both started feeling a lot better. The tiredness from the bus evaporated. (How do you know you're on a ferry to Vancouver Canada? You're eating sushi or salmon quinoa. Lol.)
We talked about doing another similar trip together in the future, and how grateful we were that Colin was coming to pick us up. We agreed it was also very nice to do a trip with someone who also enjoyed the same things we did. Nihan had not had a lot of that before. She brought up the life changes she was about to make, and sounded much more confident and happy about them. "I can have the life I want. I can do the things I want. This is possible for me now. I refuse to live how I was living -- it wasn't Living," she affirmed.
Exiting the ferry, we easily located Colin's truck, and we all exchanged hugs. I was happy to see him.
My dog Rory was happy to see me, and had an eerily similar injury to mine... He had stepped on a rock and cut his foot.
Because they didn't hurt, I realized only after I got home that I sported dark bruises on both soles, probably from climbing on the rocks in the riverbed, when I went to help the elderly lady.
The next morning, I took "Limpy" out for his walk, stopped at Trees Coffee, and ran into a young Professor from my department at UBC. He was talking to one of our neighborhood "dog walking friends" (an ex-prof) about the difficulties of teaching, and the latest round of students, and she was saying that's why she left teaching.
After she left, I talked to the Prof about my issues with teaching, my decision to leave teaching, and for the first time, I did not feel any panic!! I could tell he was, though. lol. So I thanked him that this very conversation with him told me I was finally (at least mostly) over it! I knew that making the decision to totally retire from teaching allowed this change in me. I was very grateful, and excited at the speed of the change in myself.
On my seawall walk, I emailed my boss at UBC, and told him I wouldn't be coming back. It was hard. I imagined myself at the swimming hole... the nerves I felt sitting at the edge of the river... and then "jumped." Then "swam" in my tears ;) knowing that it would only get easier from there. It felt like every emotion related to teaching at UBC was flowing through me all at once. I guessed that was closure. Integration.
I thought of how well my experiences of rivers on this trip represented what I was going through in my life. Bringing to mind the ease and fun of my river tubing experience, I wondered whether this career change meant I would finally be able to stop swimming furiously upstream, and instead, start floating down the river of life, letting the soft-flowing current support me and carry me anywhere I wanted to go.
When I came home from the Camino, I felt like I lost some of the self-confidence that I gained there. This time, I did not. It stayed with me.
Nihan messaged me that she had wanted to continue the lifestyle of our trip in her daily life, and so she had walked about 17km out to the endowment lands at UBC and back. At Jericho beach, she had noticed these "wild women" murals for the first time, despite them being dated 1992.
It struck me as marvelous, how much we could "see," once we shifted our vibration. It was like an entire level of reality could become known, once we were in tune with it. And now the portal was open. A whole new world awaited both of us.
Dog tax:
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