Two Week Review

After week 2, our personal work had gone deeper.

Cathleen had been working on Acceptance and Service. She had come to the conclusion that "when we give, we get."  An oldie but goodie... Something she "knew," but only truly began to "see" after she put it into practice. Since Cathleen started being more generous on the trail, helping an elderly man, she started manifesting like crazy!  Meals comped, money found on the trail, generous people ready to help her find her path. We spoke about the need to be precise, when manifesting. That came up several times. (Spoiler: On Day 15, right on schedule, she received the next level of insight: that sometimes she could *just* receive, if she was willing. The "giving first" paradigm was maybe a way to open the door to her willingness to receive.)

I had been working on Trust. Trying to increase my ability to trust that the universe and those in it would support me and help me when/if I needed it. Alsi, trying increase my trust in my self, my intuition, my inner knowing, and that my actions would support me too!

Asking for evidence from there universe that it was correct/"safe" to Trust, I got some through the generous and helpful people I've met along the path, both local and pilgrim. I got more in the form of strategically placed water fountains and bars.

Interestingly, I came to a deeper level of trust on the two 25 km days: the day I walked alone and the next day, when I had to rely a lot on myself. With no-one else around to help me, I realized that yes, I can trust myself to prepare for what I need. While others got lost, got injured, got ticks, ran out of water, etc, I sailed through, secure in the knowledge that I was covered. I had properly prepared. I was making the right decisions to take care of myself. I was even making the right calls about which dogs were friendly and which I needed to either avoid or, failing that, dominate.

Then another layer came through for both us. Cathleen had mentioned that her husband was a great organizer, with packing up their truck. He played Tetris with everything to make it all fit. I thought of my highly organized pack versus Cat's daily pack explosions, and made a connection between growing up with parents who basically left their children to their own devices (like mine and her husband's) versus overbearing micromanaging parents (like hers). In the former situation, the children had to decide for themselves the best way to organize their things, and so took time to analyze the situation and come up with complex solutions, which were allowed to stand. In the latter situation, the parents would always go in and disrupt the child's organization system, and as a result, the children would simply give up trying, knowing that no matter what they chose, it would not last.

The former creates initiative and self-sufficiency, because the child knows no one else will it for them (which has its own issues!); the latter creates procrastination, hesitancy, and self-doubt, because the child knows someone else will inevitably (re-)do it for them.

This idea and its deeper insights came to a head the day I tried to help Cat install HERE maps on her phone.

I had told her about the program months in advance, and sent her my maps and login info, and she struggled to install it on her phone. Even when she arrived in Spain, it was not working. She kept saying she needed to get it running, but never attempted it. Instead, she simply traveled without any map at all.

Finally, I took her phone to set it up. She immediately left to go smoke outside. It took me only a few minutes. I realized she had not pre-loaded the map of Spain. I handed it back to her, she said, "I should play with this to see how it works," then immediately put it in her bag.

I found out later that she had gotten upset that I had taken her phone and fixed the problem, when in her mind she would eventually get to it herself.  It was a trigger from her father (my partner Colin had the same one). She was unable to receive the help she had been asking for.

For me, I realized that my "help" was not helpful to her.  I felt it would grant her independence to have a map and be able navigate herself, especially since we often ended up hours apart on the road; however, she felt it created a dependence on me. I had figured she needed help, because she had not fixed the problem for months, but my "helping" caused her to shut down and not use it anyway. I realized that when people don't do something for long enough, it's because they don't really want to, no matter how much they complain to the contrary.

So for me, the deeper level was Trusting others enough deal with their own stuff. It's a different kind of trust, and a different way of looking at it. And flipping it around, perhaps sometimes when people *didn't* help me, it was showing this same type of trust that *I* could deal with my own stuff.

One more little insight "for the road."  ;)

Cat realized she was using her injured feet and lower fitness level as an excuse to fall behind and not talk to people; I realized that I often zoomed ahead for the same reason. It was perhaps a microcosm of our life patterns. Hmmm...  if we found a way to simply not talk to people when we didn't want to, would she speed up and be healthier? Would I finally slow down?

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Gear check-in:

Still not used:

- anything first aid:  bandaids, antibiotic cream, oil of oregano, Tylenol cold, tick tweezers
- Sawyer straw
- can opener or bottle opener
- Tyvex sitting mats
- earbuds

Not working out as I'd hoped:

- quick dry socks (in higher kms)
- 3 in 1 soap (just didn't clean! Hotel bar soap worked better)
- sunglasses (too hot! Worked better as a headband)
- using the mesh bag to hang-dry laundry as I walked

Working out better than I'd hoped:

- camera phone
- Sawyer water sac
- little "phone" clip on my shoulder strap that I used for the little airplane water bottle
- pinning my wet socks on my pack to dry as I walked
- pashmina (kept me shady when it's hot, warm when it was chilly, padded when my pack hurt, covered when I napped... and for some reason never got too stinky! Does bug spray kill bacteria too?)

Final note on gear:

Cat finally gave up her dad's heavy book; I was still carrying things in my hands to feel "safer," even if sometimes it was just my phone.